I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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