he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
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he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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