She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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