you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize