I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
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Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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