Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I love how my cats smell like pot.
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I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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