Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
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We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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