I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
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I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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