Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize