What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
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I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
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The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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