You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize