The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
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Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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