can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
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is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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