Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
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If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Someone signed my nipple.
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