I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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