fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
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