i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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