When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize