just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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