if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
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how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize