Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
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It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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