3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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