my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize