he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize