literally had 100 drinks last night.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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