Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
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So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
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SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
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