So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize