Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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