wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize