Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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