I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize