I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
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Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize