I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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