Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
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He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
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I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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