just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
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she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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