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I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
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