I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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