What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
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You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Houston, we have a blender
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
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Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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