My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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