I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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