dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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