Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
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I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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