so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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