Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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