U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize