Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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