Tell her she can't have a vagina
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
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I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
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Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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