maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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