i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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