there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
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i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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